The Seven Deadlies

I can't seem to stop dreaming. Not that I would ever want to, but I am remembering them more and more as I wake. Last night, I dreamed of someone who hurt me terribly when I was a child. In my dream, I was not a child and I went to war with him. And he did not win. I have no doubt the dream was prompted by the events of yesterday, a discussion of the seven deadly sins and the seven lively virtues...and the stories that followed. My own energies were stirred up, and they had no safe place to go but into my dreams.  I am grateful to have the ability to remember them. It also seems like years since I have had these "good" dreams, these "working it all out" dreams. Finally.
So it was a bit more than creepy, when I picked up a book this morning...one that I got for 50 cents at Goodwill...thinking it was a book about a show I listened to on public radio, but it was much different...kind of like porn, but not. I planned to throw it away, but thumbed through the pages and came up with something...about sin. Sub specie aeternitatas: meaning, "under the aspect of the eternal" Spinoza: "There is no reason to believe that anything matters." Frankl: "It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future"
I could not find the Catholic reference to the quote, although I am not giving up. The quote in the book concerns the nature of man...and claims witchcraft to be the reason for man to choose to sin sexually.  It was a disturbing quote that made a lot of sense. I wrote it out in my private journal. (Yes, I have things I don't put here) It perhaps makes more sense to men, because it was written by men about men...but for me, stuck in this woman's body, it provides more insight into how men think, how they view their existence. And how they view their "rights" as male human creatures. It was no accident that I came upon this book, just after some challenging conversations and a wonderfully straightforward lecture on the seven deadly sins.
Like it or not, everything is gender biased.  I watched a video this morning on FB about a seal, a female seal, who decided to bond with a woman sitting on the beach.  What prompts the seal to become so enamored with the woman, female, but of a different species?  It was beautiful, almost courting in its nature.  And maybe it was. A gay seal?  Visions of "Dumbo" come to my head, the story of a misunderstood mother and her very unique child. No one really understands another person, they can only assume some things based on what they observe and what they already know. A gay seal?  Definitely a lonely seal...I'm thinking she was attracted to the red jacket the woman wore. It looked like blood. Women know about blood, in a very different way than men.  Blood is life. Blood creates life, nurtures it, sustains it. But I perhaps digress too much.
There is an eternal something that I am always looking for and towards.
According to the quote in the book, men are doomed (by witchcraft) to seek out and use women...and that "bottom line" is the ultimate inescapable reality of being a man. (Sounds rather Calvinistic to me). So without reading the book, I am assuming that the author is using the statement of the Church to justify his actions: I can't help myself. I was born that way. The Devil made me do it...or in this case, "The witch has made me into a demon."
I am not responsible for my actions. Forgive me.

This coming after a lesson in sin, conversations about people being invisible, my dream of an adult who used me for his own pleasure...this is not an accident.

I prefer to think that God did not create human beings as corrupt as we have become. I don't believe we have been bewitched by some evil (suggestively female) force, that we might be able to blame and then perhaps appear less "bad" in the eyes of God: I was a victim, Lord. Take pity on me...is not a confession, and is not contrition. I suppose we are all victims of history...such is that mortal coil...that brotherhood and sisterhood we cannot escape...nor should we want to escape. It is all part of our gift.

Being held accountable.  Being responsible. All those seven lively virtues: humility, admiration, generosity, forgiveness, self-control, chastity, zeal. These are CHOICES that can be made instead of living up to what some people call the darkness of men.  These are the gifts of light. Or we are just animals...

But then, there's that seal again...who understands love on some level. And seeks it outside the box. 

There's more to the story. I simply don't know it. Yet.