Silence

I am remembering a book I read (in part) by Peter Frankl (not to be confused with Viktor Frankl), a classical pianist. The first chapter spoke about the importance of silence in music. In particular, he spoke about the rests in Chopin's first Ballade. One long sustained note, then a few quick notes, then silence. A few more notes. Silence again. It is extremely important for the pianist to take care with the moments of silence. They are essential to a proper understanding of the ballade.

I bring these ideas up right now because some of us actually pray with more vigor during Lent. We pay attention to God more. We try to grow in love for Him. And by attempting this wonderful 'activity,' we are dragged out into the desert.

Why? I think because we want results. Patience is not my gift. Moments are aridity are not well received, though I think I am better with them than I was ten years ago. Let me be perfectly clear here, aridity is not the same thing as hell. Hell is the complete absence of any feeling of God's presence. Aridity is a hunger for God and a belief that God is holding back or withdrawing or simply just not giving anything. Aridity is thinking my prayers don't matter, or are a waste of time, or even a belief in what the devil whispers in my ears "not good enough." But God is still there.

Silence is part of prayer, part of our music, part of our dance with God. Silence makes the notes we hear clearer and more appreciated. A song without silence is just noise. Sometimes we hear only one notes and other times we hear the Hallelujah Chorus. We should truly be grateful for both.

Now that I think about it, as I studied music so long ago, the Gregorian Chants...the beginnings of polyphony, the point and counterpoint, inventions and fugues and sonatas, preludes and symphonies are all forms of prayer. Even John Cage's music, which hurts my head to even think about, his 'prayers' are possibly great protestations against modernity by smashing it in our face...

Clearly I have gone off into the deep end of the pool.

My point is the silence. We need to embrace it, even celebrate it. My house is just too quiet right now. No TV, no real noise in it and it unsettles me. I think about things I don't want to think about. I want the distractions.

And that may be my real point. Back to Polish priest, who annoys me. He said, if I allow myself to focus too much on one thing, then that is time I am not spending with or thinking about God. That comment, was perhaps the most important thing he said to me. And so I have to really ask myself, is what I am doing right this moment for God? If I am not doing for God, I have to ask myself why I am doing it then?
And then I have to let it go. IF it is not of God, I don't need it. And I shouldn't want it.

That doesn't imply an absence of fun or silliness. What it seems to mean to me is that I have to frame all that I do in light of what I believe God wants me to do. And play is a part of our human experience. Ecclesiastes 4 says it well.

The silence brought me that today.

God is even speaking to us through His silence.

Love,
Cindy