Simple Gifts

I've started two entries but never enough time to finish. These words I want to keep though, even if I can't finish the idea.
The lost key chain was found!
The shepherd rejoices!
The prophesy has been fulfilled!

Don't know how to write this...but then I never do. I prayed with a woman in the dark. Yesterday she sat in the light, but she has returned to the dark. She doesn't want Holy Communion, she doesn't even want to pray. Another woman tried to get back in bed and it takes all of her strength to do a very small task. I look at her eyes and face and think, "she has the face of my mother." How glad I would be to have my mother, sitting there, in that same suffering, rather than having to accept the fact that she died 25 years ago. I would gladly take her in any form at all, rather than having to let her go.
Nothing can truly describe that week properly. Almost a week has passed and I can report only that it seems good news is forthcoming for at least one of the saints I visited. How much I wish I could tell you about all of them, but perhaps that would be only interesting to me.
It seems as I continue this journey, I truly do see Jesus in every single person I meet. That doesn't completely discourage the weakness of my character in making judgments now and then. Far from perfect, but getting better at loving every day.
That week was so spiritually exhausting, I didn't even notice it until I decided to make blackeyed peas in my crock pot. Something about cooking slows me down.
I have this photo of a nun in the closet of what used to be my son's room. I keep all of my ministry files and a ton of other 'work' in that closet and as I turn to leave, I look up to see a magazine photo of a nun standing over a wood table chopping vegetables. She is in her habit complete with white apron and wearing what looks like Birkenstocks. This profile photo with the light from the window in the distance creating a kind of glow around here makes me feel safe and comfortable. I envy her. I envy the simplicity of her life. I envy her ability to choose to do the right thing, the best thing.
And then I remember what article the photo was placed with. This convent is on the land in Krakow, I think. It is the site of a Nazi concentration camp. The article is about how the Jewish population was having trouble with a cross placed on the property. I believe the nuns took it down because they realized the pain it caused.
I would have to go back and look to be sure. The photo of the nun just seems to fit my soul.
On the flip side of that photo is another article: about womenpriests in Washington state. A friend gave it to me and told me to think about it. This week, another friend gave me an article from the Dallas Morning News about womenpriests in Chicago. When I read it, a strong unidentifiable feeling came over me.

I choose to not allow politics interfere with the work I am supposed to do anymore. I leave it to God. I accept my feelings, which will rise and fall over the days, about what I can and cannot do for the church. I choose to not let my feelings on this matter interfere with my work. Besides, if it is pride or power that pulls on my heart to "stand up" for what I think is "right," well, then I would prefer to fail. Any changes that can or should be made must be done by God's grace alone.

I have a belief that soon we will become people of God in some new and marvelous way. I believe a great new connection will be created for all of us, one that people can hear and see and feel and desire to respond to in a new way. We are being primed for "the next thing."

But what that next thing is, I haven't a clue. Or rather, I do not trust my imagination. Signs seem to point to a rebirth of personal faith and a new understanding of God that transcends our desires to 'use' God as a means to an end. Perhaps the age of magic will end. The desire to manipulate God will end. But devotion will become more pure, more 'real' and thus, bring us to new understandings of how to love each other well.

Just a thought.

The simple gift is love. Receive it. Give it away. No price. Priceless. It is the core of what we should understand of what it means to be truly human. It is grace that is manifested through our connection to each other. It builds us and mends us.

I had the gift of speaking to not one but two priests this week. Their gifts to me offered both clarity and risk. And they listened...to my heart which is constantly spinning out ideas and observations of how and when and where I see God. They don't laugh at the things I think are outrageous. They encourage me to pray even more. They can see through my worries and wash out any darkness that tries to make a home in me.

Perhaps not so simple a gift, but we can all learn to listen to each other as priests do...we just have to be willing to try.

Be aware of what is in front of you. Speak to it. Receive it. Bless it. And when the time is right, let it go.

Must close now. Love one another.

Love,
Cindy