Until You are Free

I only have a few minutes, but I've skipped the 7a.m. Mass this morning for the 8:15a.m. Mass. Go figure. The storm woke me at 4a.m. and I loved it. I walked outside and a huge bolt flashed across the sky. Are you mad at me God? Did I fail you? Have you been waiting long? Yes, I know I did not go out under the stars last night and tell you about my day, I was baking bread and stuff...but you ought to know that.
And of course, that is one way I pray. For me, that is part of what Teresa of Avila calls the First Dwelling Places. In here, all the noise of daily life continues to fog our brains and separate us from Him who loves us best. Teresa suggests that it is best to befriend the little critters scurrying around in our heads. Ignoring them just doesn't work. So you tell them to God...yep, this is part of the prayer: the laundry. Once they have their day in the sun, they usually let you go and you can get on with moving into the Second Dwelling Places...which is one step closer to union with Him.
But I'm not going to talk much about that now.

The point is that we have to work continuously until we are free.

We have to like everything about ourselves. I mean, we have to accept it. Stare into the mirror and say "that's good." Secrets kill us. I suppose they do in other relationships, but they really do their damage when we are trying to get closer to God.
Maybe our stuff really is bad, maybe we have some serious flaws that no one else has to deal with...but we have to bring them all to the altar and say "Here is my gift to you, Lord."

Just the way I am. Maybe its not what I want to be, maybe I'll never be what I want to be...but I have to be free enough to give it all to Him.

I had a conversation this week with a friend who is helping someone die. What a beautiful gift. First to be able to stand in the presence of someone who is daily losing any control over his body at all. To not stand in fear. To actually help and not simply ask unceasingly "What can I do for you?" To show respect by waiting for the person who is in need to ask for help...

Oh how I wish I could be more like that in everything I do!

And the, the beautiful other, who is gradually learning to let go of missing his power over his own body. I have to say it that way because like it or not, his body is shutting down. He cannot will it to work as it used to work. So he is forced to accept help...and he maintains some control by being able to ask for help.

These are miracle days for these two men...and I am the privileged soul who gets to hear part of the story.

But really, what I hear is really all about how we can be with God and each other.
God is respectful of us. He wants us to ask. And then He gives generously.

With our friends, we also must give and receive respect. We must ask. We must wait to be asked.

For me, this is very, very, very hard.

Got to leave now. The rain is falling on my skylight and sounds so wonderful

Love.
Cindy