Being and Nothingness

I've written so much, very little of it would serve anyone any purpose right now. I take comfort in knowing most of the mystics suffered these periods, sometimes for years....and I pray mine will not be like theirs. Still the work gets done, and the people, they still believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself anymore. Friends tell me that I will soon be blessed with something wonderful, if I can withstand these challenging days. Body of Christ still seems to work, even when I think I am the weak link.

I enclose here an email sent to me by the lay Carmelites, worthy of your perusal and appropriate for me. Hope it brings you some solace.

"It was a deliberate choice, I chose, consciously and willingly, to abandon myself to God's will, to let go completely of every last reservation...Across that threshold I had been afraid to cross, things suddenly seemed so very simple. There was but a single vision, God, who was all in all; there was but one will that directed all things, God's will. I had only to see it, to discern it in every circumstance in which I found myself, and let myself be ruled by it. God is in all things, sustains all things, directs all things. To discern this in every situation and circumstance, to see his will in all things, was to accept each circumstance and situation and let oneself be borne along in perfect confidence and trust. Nothing could shake me, except the fear of losing sight of him. The future, hidden as it was, was hidden in his will and therefore acceptable to me no matter what it might bring. The past, with all its failures, was not forgotten; it remained to remind me of the weakness of human nature and the folly of putting any faith in self. But it no longer depressed me. I looked no longer to self to guide me, relied on it no longer in any way, so it could not again fail me. By renouncing, finally and completely, all control of my life and future destiny...I was freed thereby from anxiety and worry, from every tension, and could float serenely upon the tide of God's sustaining providence in perfect peace of soul."
--Father Walter J. Ciszek.

And because I am so very much Cindy, I'll include today's reading from Ezekiel:

The word of the Lord came to me:
Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel,
in these words prophesy to them to the shepherds:
Thus says the Lord GOD: Woe to the shepherds of Israel
who have been pasturing themselves!
Should not shepherds, rather, pasture sheep?
You have fed off their milk, worn their wool,
and slaughtered the fatlings,
but the sheep you have not pastured.
You did not strengthen the weak nor heal the sick
nor bind up the injured.
You did not bring back the strayed nor seek the lost,
but you lorded it over them harshly and brutally.
So they were scattered for the lack of a shepherd,
and became food for all the wild beasts.
My sheep were scattered
and wandered over all the mountains and high hills;
my sheep were scattered over the whole earth,
with no one to look after them or to search for them.

Therefore, shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
As I live, says the Lord GOD,
because my sheep have been given over to pillage,
and because my sheep have become food for every wild beast,
for lack of a shepherd;
because my shepherds did not look after my sheep,
but pastured themselves and did not pasture my sheep;
because of this, shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
Thus says the Lord GOD:
I swear I am coming against these shepherds.
I will claim my sheep from them
and put a stop to their shepherding my sheep
so that they may no longer pasture themselves.
I will save my sheep,
that they may no longer be food for their mouths.

For thus says the Lord GOD:
I myself will look after and tend my sheep.

The LORD is my shepherd. It seems pretty obvious that Ezekiel is talking about the priests. First Ezekiel went after the people, then the kings and now the priests. We need to be very careful, if we don't do the job God calls us to do, He will find someone else to do it. The laborers who begin their work at the end of the day will receive the same wage as those who began the day in work. God's justice is not like ours. If I've learned nothing else, I know He can and will do whatever He chooses...and right now He is riding my back and will continue to "lay His hand heavy upon me" until I learn what I am supposed to learn.

And I know from experience, I am a slow learner....

Love, Cindy