I've deleted the last three posts. I kind of knew somewhere inside that if I wrote about my wrestlings with God, it might create problems for some people in my life. I thought it might be helpful to others to write out my journey with God. I truly believe that He wants us in constant dialogue with Him, that He wants us in a constant state of prayer. My hope is that you choose to get closer to God in a more real way, that it is alright and good to tell God the truth and let Him help you in new and wonderful ways.
But maybe it is best not to make such discussions with God public. I am beginning to unpack the events of the week and bit by bit, and it seems I am losing or letting go of the support I need to get through it all. Also, I suppose there is a concern that some of the people I talk with, who know that I write, don't want the story to end up here.
In any case, I am going into my cave for awhile. I've been running a marathon and I've hit a wall. One friend told me that as we grow closer to God, the Adversary will do all he can to separate us from God. And by another friend, I was reminded that the nearly all of the mystics, saints included, were rejected by the Church in some way. My sweet Teresa of Avila was almost put in front of the Inquisition, but a kindly priest intervened. Most mystics have been chastized, rejected, denounced and labeled nuts.
I know what God has told me, and what God has given me. One question I will askyou: "Why are you here?"
What do you want from God? What do you think He wants from you?
Do you love Him truly, madly and deeply or are you just trying to stay out of hell? Is it about works or is it about how we live out our lives because He loved us first?
Please keep me in your prayers. You will always be in mine.
The radio DJ just announced that it's going to be 106 degrees today. I have the feeling its going to get a lot hotter.
Love, Cindy
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