The River Rules...

Fought coming down to south Texas the whole week.  Feelings of being alone, of not being needed just seem to overwhelm me again.  I had decided to not work the last retreat...back in November...then decided to work the retreat...but now that retreat is over and the feelings of not having value again have returned to me.
Here is south Texas, I think I like everything more, but I wonder if, while coming here, I am just trying to return to the 1970s and 60s...there is so much cement here now...so many houses, so many cars...and so many people who have come here to escape, but do not 'get' south Texas.  I think about Beetlejuice, when the family moves down here for relaxation and immediately works to redesign it...
You really can't go back...only forward.

But the river is the poor man's cruise.  It takes an inner-tube...and a willingness to get wet and cold...and wet and hot...and to share the water with whatever comes your way.  On the water...everyone is pretty much equal.  I say pretty much, because yesterday...for the first time in 30-40 years, I saw a woman on the water...about my age or older...with make-up, an honest-to-God poofy hairdo, sunglasses...the whole shebang...it seemed to short-circuit my brain.  I've seen drugs on the river, I've seen naked people on the river, I've seen romance and fights on the river...but never before have I seen "Mrs. Randolph" on the river...

Which further proves my point...anything goes on the river.  Except one thing...okay maybe two...on the river, a kind of good tolerance flows about as abundantly as the water.  Everyone on the river understands it is God's river. And on the river, everyone is welcome....

I met some young men on the river the other day.  One had a snorkling mask.  They seemed to stay in the current near me, so I figured they might have some things on their minds (being a good chaplain and all...I look for openings)...we make small talk and the one with the goggles offers me a pair of Oakley sunglasses he found on the riverbed.  I thank him.  I ask about their work.  Both grad students, one in physics, the other in some kind of medical field.  I tell them, "I'm a chaplain." (I could have told them I was a nuclear physicist...on the river, anything goes)...so after a little while, it seems clear to me that believing in God is not a particularly attractive idea to them...and the one with the beautiful bone structure asks me, "How would you sum up your understanding of God?"

I think a minute. How do I answer this young man, knowing what I know about him now...I don't want to get into an argument, but I don't want to discount the beauty of belief. 

I said, "It's pretty simple:  You get what you ask for." 
He smiled a half-smile.  I had him thinking, not arguing.
I repeated myself, "You get what you ask for," liking my answer and thanking God for the right words. 

I think I finally have a title for my book...

Jesus, I do love God...

Love, Cindy