Penumbra

pe·num·bra
   /pɪˈnʌmbrə/[pi-nuhm-bruh]–noun,
1.Astronomy:
the partial or imperfect shadow outside the complete shadow of an opaque body, as a planet, where the light from the source of illumination is only partly cut off.
b.the grayish marginal portion of a sunspot.
2.a shadowy, indefinite, or marginal area.


Just coming off of my third ACTS retreat. It is the Catholic version of the Protestant version (Walk to Emmaus) of the Catholic "Cursillo," and has similarities to the evangelical "Tres Dias." I was not always the happy camper on the way up to the mountaintop, but once I got there, I was awed by the power of the Holy Spirit! Once again, as on the previous two retreats, God surprised me over and over again. Many things I cannot tell you, as a promise to the rules of the retreat. But I can speak to some feelings.
I was exhausted.
I was confused.
I was overwhelmed.
I was afraid.
I was discouraged.
I was angry.
I was disappointed.
I was disagreeable.
I was unforgiving.
I was judging.
I felt alone.
I was all too often in a state of sin.

But as I accept those truths about myself, I can also write:
I was elated.
I was surprised.
I was protected.
I was inspired.
I was impressed.
I was excited.
I was comforted.
I was helped.
I was forgiven.
I was cherished.
I was loved.
I was not alone.
I was in the shadow of His wing, swimming in His grace...

Our humanity, by its own definition, is always in a state of change, it is always in a state of confusion and it is always self-absorbed. But through the gift of Christ Jesus, humanity is also in, or can be in, a state of grace and mercy.

No good deed goes unpunished. No project is complete, things never quite happen as they are planned, but the Holy Spirit seems to make is all just perfect.

Dozens of things went wrong, but much more than that went right. We did our dancing, we sang our songs, we drew our pictures, we wrote our books...
perfectly and imperfectly.
We made new friends...and we forgave each other ALOT...and everything worked out. When we were exhausted beyond description, we stood and walked up the mountain again, sometimes holding our dear sisters of so carefully, glancing into each others eyes for that support that comes without words.

Each retreat is different, though the base plan always is the same: Living out examples of what it really means to love one another.

Oh if we could only do that every day!

But we can. Living always so close to both the shadow and the light, we try to keep our eyes on the Light, while it is there. We follow the light until we are fully bathed in it...thinking we have it all figured out and then, without really understanding why, the light leaves again and we are inconsolable.

As long as we are human, we will always live in the dark and in the light. We therefore need God so desperately, to keep us going, both in light and in darkness.

This was a few days ago...the full moon has arrived. New blessings have arrived. Stunned, awed, but it seems not really silenced by all the lives I am connected to now. I love being connected. It's about time.

To all those I love, and to all those I have yet to love: Thank you.

Love, Cindy