Seeing Beyond

I have many favorite photos of my daughter Beth. It was just so amazing that her little body came from me, that life was formed and there she was: this little person with her own thoughts and ideas, seeing the word in her own very special way.

I have this one photo that would seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it makes the moment that changed everything for both of us.

She was lying in her playpen, about four months old, too small to crawl but strong enough to lift her head several inches off the mat. Many times she did this, looking forward at the white cloth mesh in front of her, that protected her from 'outside forces.' I was laying on the floor with the Pentax (heavens that was a wonderful camera!) and watching her as I always did. She was looking at the white mesh, curious as ever, and then it happened.

She looked beyond the mesh. She could see outside of her little contained space. And she could see me...and she began to cry.

I'll never forget it. Her brain made the connection. It was one of her first "aha!" moments and I was there.

She saw me and she began to cry. She wanted me. The smell of me, the touch of me, the sound of my voice, my heartbeat. The cry was distinctive.

I put the camera down and I picked her up. And we were together. (Heavens, how I long for her to want me, just for a second, that way again now...)

And maybe that's how it works with God, too. Maybe.

He creates us, inside of Him. He gives us life and form and meaning. And then He gives birth to us. And puts us in a safe place. Protected from all the 'blue meanies' in this world. We think everything is perfect in our little world. We have our blankie and our kitty and maybe a bottle of milk nearby...then one day,
BOOM! the world changes because we can see beyond the wall that separated us from our mother. Our creator. And we lament until we can return to her arms.

Only once we get out of our little garden, and once we think we feel secure enough that Mama is there, we start exploring this new world. All this new stuff! Wow! What's that? Oh, that's scratchy! Oh, that's tear-able! Oh, that's hot! Ouch! Mom!
I hurt! Mom! I'm hungry! Mom! I'm wet! Mom! I need your heart!

Out of the garden. We don't have a choice, really. We all have to leave the garden. Sometime. We have to learn to see beyond.

In the beginning, we can only see what we don't have. And then we want it. We have to learn about what we can have and what we can't have. We learn about what is good for us and what can hurt us. We love and we win and we lose. We give ourselves away. We receive from others. We play in the fields of life. We learn. We see beyond what we are to what we can be and most of us, I think, strive to be more than just the flesh and blood that makes us alive. We work hard at being human.

Then, when the time is right, we go back to the garden. To the safe place, where He first placed us. Then, when we see beyond, we see beyond the beyond...and we rest in Him, because we have everything we need, everything we ever will need...right there in His arms.

I don't know if this one works...but it will do for now.

Love, Cindy