That Love One Another Thing again...

My head is so full. My heart loves so much...and it is breaking.

I wonder if God ever feels like that. It is how I feel today. Already before noon, I encounter great love and great hate...and I know it is the human condition, we are a mixed bag, forever dealing with conflicted feelings.

I reach out to my God and beg Him to show me what to do, how to help. People are finding me everywhere these days. They just arrive and tell me their stories. It is awesome and sacred and scary and exciting. I have begun to encounter human beings on an entirely new and wonderful level...I am stunned by what I see and hear and taste and touch and smell...and what I feel. I am not the woman I was a year ago. I am not the woman I was six months ago.


Dulcinea: You spoke to me. And everything was different.
Don Quixote: Tell me, in words, what did I tell you?
Dulcinea: You spoke of a dream. And of a quest. And it didn't matter if you won or lost, only that you must stay true to the quest. And you called me by another name: Dulcinea.

Or something like that.

I can't really remember right now.

"For I have called you by name and you are mine..."

God is calling me by another name. I have not heard the name yet, but when I do, I will tell you. Maybe it is as simple as Mary. A year ago, a priest I had just met kept calling me Mary. I never corrected him. I liked me called Mary. It made me feel...different.

And this woman I am now, I like her so much. And I like the work she does. I like her bravery. I like her style. And I like very much how she loves people.

It is me that I see in the mirror? I don't know anymore. It's just all so different now. And wonderful. And scary. And exciting.

And that would be me, on the driveway in San Antonio, watering the grass...(an excuse to wait and watch for the boys to drive by in their cars and just stand and talk with them...and not have my father get after me...after all I was watering the grass for him...it was so deep and green right next to the curb!)
But in between the cars that would stop, I would be singing...and most often, I was singing "The Impossible Dream." Oh, how I loved that song! How much I wished to be a knight errant, in search of the good and the beautiful...and to eventually give up my life for God...
...all while waiting for the boys to come by and just talk...

I never claimed to not be complicated...

Panera's is going to kick me off line any minute, so I'm posting...just cause I want to.

Love, Cindy