In the Passion of Jesus, Pilate (I think it is Pilate) asks Jesus the question, "What is truth?" Seems like a rhetorical question coming from a politician. Truth is what will get you elected, off the hook, burned at the stake...truth will build relationships and destroy them. It is a powerful force, almost as powerful as love...and we throw around ideas of truth all day long without thinking too much about it.
I have an obsession with truth. I suppose that is because I got so little of it when I was growing up. But if you really think about it, what is truth anyway? Most of the time, it seems to be an opinion that you hold for maybe more than five seconds.
Most of the time, I think I misuse the word. I think an opinion that I hear from someone is the truth. Their truth. But really it is an opinion, it is a judgment of a certain situation, sitting in the box of our own perceptions.
I haven't read any great philosophers lately, so I really can't speak to who I am stealing from right now, but I do know I favored Kant before I decided to admit I believed in God again. Kierkegaard and Descartes were also in my popular library...but I haven't looked at them in ages. I preferred Plato to Aristotle.
I recall sitting with my daughter in the emergency room perhaps 13 years ago. She had a terrible kidney infection and was in a lot of pain. The doctor said she could have died and while they were treating her, she and I were discussing Plato. I remember thinking how odd that was to be talking about...but given our little family, I really can't think they we would discuss much else. I suppose that's why I get such a kick out of the movie, "Smart People." And the beginning of "A Beautiful Mind." Heavens, how I miss such conversations!
My ex-husband did not believe in God, but oh how much I miss our conversations! The man remembered everything. I was never allowed to get away with any off hand remark about a topic that I had only read partly. He was always a man after the truth. And he told the truth, especially to the government, which is why they always gave him so much money, because he would do the job right and on time...of course it was his idea of right and he never promised anything beyond his capabilities. I really respected that. I never had to deal with games with him. It was refreshing.
Of course, he kept a lot to himself, many times for practical reasons. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," was one of his favorite lines. Second to that would be "You can't handle the truth!"
What is truth? What is a lie? I'm thinking about it a lot because I am struggling to be more truthful with God.
"Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my thoughts, see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." Show me, O Lord, my truth and then deal with me mercifully.
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
In one of my favorite comic strips from a while ago, One Big Happy, the little girl is kneeling by her bed saying her prayers. In one frame, she is telling God she is sorry about hitting her little brother, says she is very, very sorry for what she did and then offers to God her very good reasons for hitting him." In the last frame she prays, "And Lord, when I come to you tomorrow night, I'll tell you I'm sorry about the lie I am telling you tonight."
Truth. I suppose someone more educated than me could speak more clearly on the topic.
I suppose the sidebar question would be "When should you tell the truth and when should you hold back?"
"That dress looks awful on you."
"You've gained weight."
"Sure I'd love to help you move."
I have a book "Life's Little Destruction Book" that I glance at now and then. It discusses white lies and really shows how to go to the dark side and never know you are doing it.
"Call me anytime."
"Let's do this again."
"How about if we split a dessert?"
Oh what tangled webs we weave!
With people, I'm thinking there are many times to tell the truth and many times to hold back. And there are even times for 'white lies,' but concerning God...who knows the truth anyway...who are we kidding? We are not kidding God.
He knows our inmost being. And guess what? He loves us anyway.
But without question, the truth will set you free.
You do realize I'm writing about confession again, right?
I seek to find my own truth about me. I have a desire to understand my motivations and not try to talk myself into a particular point of view to justify my own behavior.
One could call this part of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius, reflection and discernment...or the review of the day. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? How can I do it better?
When you allow yourself to receive your own truth, that is consolation. While the truth can hurt in the beginning, it will eventually lead to great consolation.
"Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me...and you will never leave me."
Imagine that! A God who loves us anyway.
Last night, I had a conversation with a friend. I felt an energy over the conversation because we were actually communicating and it felt really good. Certain illusions were kept in their boxes and we had a good talk. It felt positively heavenly. It feels like I've waited a long time for that to happen. The real met the real last night. And when I heard "I love you," I believed it and I received it exactly as it was given to me.
Damn cool.
Will it ever happen again? Who knows? It's kind of like fishing...if you are a real fisherman. You can sit out of the water for hours, being silent, when the only sound is the water lapping up against the boat and things are more still than you ever imagined could happen...and you feel that little nibble on your line...and the adrenaline begins to flow in your veins...
the truth is trying to come to you...
stay calm, reel it in slowly...or it will escape you again...be patient, He will come to you and He will set you free.
Love, Cindy
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