Friends are there...

Within that last 24 hours, twice have I tried to sum up my 53 years of living, in about an hour's time. What can I say? I drove one to tears and the other to a cigarette. I recall, perhaps ten years ago, I shared a moment of my life and watched a stranger, an older man, cry. I decided to not share stories much after that.

Then some years passed by and I began to understand how telling stories is often a path to healing and wholeness.

It's the point of the gospel, I think, to bear witness to the tradition of birth, challenge, confusion, understanding, relationships won and lost, and the ultimate triumph of God.

Right now, I feel like I am sitting on a raft in a gently rocking ocean. I feel the sun, hear the birds, occasionally I can hear a fish jump and I hear the wind against my ears. The sun is both hot and wonderful and when I wonder why I would have allowed myself to go out on that raft in that ocean without a hat, your hand reaches over and shadows my eyes...and I remember I did not go out into the ocean alone. You are with me, hiding me under the shadow of your wings...

I looked up and I tell God, "Make me a priest!" and He said to me, "You are a priest." And then I said, "Perhaps that is not what I wanted after all." And He said, "I thought you might say that, but you are still a priest."

Everything I have asked God for, I have received. Everything. My life is hardly my own anymore...and I have never loved it more. Each day is better than the one before. If I didn't know better, I would think I might have married the perfect husband...the love of my life, the one God chose for me. But I realize that the one God chose for me is...Him. Of course He would be the most perfect spouse! He would know my needs before I did, I would have shelter, enough food for the day, and His comforting arms around me in the night.

It's all so bizarre. Everything I ask for arrives. My heart almost cannot bear it. But how do I explain what is happening now? Something new. Something not expected and yet expected. I am resting on the raft, in the ocean...and I see two islands, maybe three...which one will be my home? All three are beautiful and perfect. All three have exactly the right food and shelter and comfort I need. All three are good and holy places. In all three, God is there, waiting to love me most perfectly. But which one will this raft declare as home?

I ask, "Where will I serve you best, my Lord?"
He tells me, "My dear child...everywhere."
"Where are you taking me?"
He says, "Wait."
I place my hand into the ocean and make my own little waves...
I take the blue and yellow blanket and wrap it around me again.
"Okay, I'll wait."

Love,
Cindy